I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
