wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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