she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
