Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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