I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
