I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
