he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
