Tell her she can't have a vagina
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
