obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
