Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
