someone threw a dead crab at me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
