he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
