I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He passed out mid-signature
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
