Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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