its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
