I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
