TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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