i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
