i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
