what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize