He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize