went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
