a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize