I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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