I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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