if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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