If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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