Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
