How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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