i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
