haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
