you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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