i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
