i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize