Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
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