he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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