Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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