Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize