It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
