I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
