i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
