We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
