So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
