he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
