Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
