I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize