Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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