i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
