I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
