Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
