Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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