there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
