The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
