I bet he comes in French.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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