She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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