I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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