my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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