I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
