Ambien. No doubt about it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
