i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize