I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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