I want to have your abortion
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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