well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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