Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
