The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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