well you can't waste a boner
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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