I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need to calm my uterus...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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