That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
