I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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