dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
