There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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