i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
