Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
