next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize