He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
