I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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