Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
