yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
