It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize