well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
