I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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