i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
