billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
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