you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize