I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
