Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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